battlebeforeblessing

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV 

My faith has always been the cornerstone of how I define myself. I have spent the greater half of my life in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and sought wisdom, comfort and solace in His word. I have learned in my life that it is only in the most challenging trials, or storms, as I like to call them, that I am able to experience God’s unconditional and gracious love. However, I am human and that entitles me to moments of stupidity. Sometimes it is easier to wallow in self pity then to face the facts or examine the reason why God may be allowing me to experience the hardship. I wish I could say that I always chose the high road and trusted God’s plan, I wish I could say I never cried myself to sleep or cringed at the sight of happy moms with their beautiful little babies. If that were the case I wouldn’t have been on the prowl for a book to give me some inspiration. Instead I enjoyed comparing stories with friends who were struggling with similar issues and I found comfort in knowing that others were experiencing the same ups and downs of fertility drugs, failed appointments and medical files filled with diagnosis after diagnosis. No matter how much I tried it was hard to shake the “No Baby Blues”.

A seventh trip to the specialist and an ultrasound that I once feared but now became routine, finally showed maturation. I saw that big black blob on the screen and felt a rush of hope and excitement that maybe this time there was a dominant follicle. The news was not so positive, my “follicle” was a cyst that was entwined in my fallopian tube and came with a list of possible side effects and problems if not removed. Then came surgery.

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